epona_greenleaf

How do you tell someone?

2007-09-24T00:16:33Z

They are hurting and slowly destroying you? But you love them but beginning to resent them. It's true there is a fine line between love and hate. It is just realising what emotion it is you feel.

Robert Kennedy said this...

2007-06-27T23:29:20Z

..."tragedy is a tool for the living to gain wisdom, not a guide by which to live."

In retrospect there are many things we would have done different at certain times. We can't change the past but the future is there for the taking. So go live and glance back at the past as a reminder, but don't stare and become fixated.

Eulogy part 1

2007-05-10T00:50:32Z

eulogy noun (eulogies) 1 a speech or piece of writing in praise of someone or something. 2 high praise.

So ok imagine it is your funeral and there you are looking down. Watching and hoping that people are crying because you are dead. You want them to miss you and understand the impact you have had on their lives.
Then out of the congregation someone gets up and walks slowly to the front and climbs to the pew. Their heart is heavy and all they see are clouds that darken the sky. They start to read the eulogy they have wriiten about you. Words they have pondered and spent countless hours on.
Still you are watching from high, the words are beautiful and if still in the living world you may shed a tear.
BUT how much of what they say is true?

When I die the last words I want said about me is the truth. The only way that is going to happen is if I write my own eulogy and find someone I can trust to read it.

No one person knows you completley so it is hard for them to sum up your life in one speech. One friend knows something about me that another does not. That does not make them any less of a friend it just means when my eulogy is read that the only person who can give the full story is me.

Thats why this is only part one. Will write my eulogy next. (this is not me being depressed it is realising that there is nobody who knows me well enough, to say the complete honest truth.)

Disappointed with myself...

2007-03-08T00:12:10Z

...after nearly twenty years on anti-depressants, I stopped them. Seven months I had been without them but today I had enough. So I got prozac again and when I took the first tablet I felt a sense of relief when I was swallowing it and then disappointment and shame that I could not last without some chemical to make me feel better. All I am thinking is when can I take the next one.

Fifth wedding aniversary today......

2007-02-23T23:00:16Z

.....and I am sat home alone. My husband has gone out with a group of friends tonight. Not all bad I have a bottle of wine (drumming fingers, I am a little bored now!) What I really want at the moment is a cuddle and the person who is giving me a hug, for it to feel like they really mean it.
Going to get another drink and stop listening to sad music!!!

Life

2007-02-19T00:00:56Z

Life is short, so why do we all act as if we have the whole of eternity?

Girl in shop

2007-02-18T23:20:55Z

I was at work today in Worcester (I am a security guard) when I saw a girl rush in. She went to a department and started looking frantically. I spoke to her and she said she had lost some money £20. She was crying and beside herself just repeating over and over again "My mum will kill me". I told her I would call her mum and explain, and that if we find the money we have her details to return it to her.
She then told us it was her foster mum, this girl was petrified, shaking and tearful. She left the store but came back ten minutes later looking relieved. She had spoken to her brother who was going to lend her the money so she would not get into trouble. She had to walk to a hostel that he lived in to fetch it.
She can't have been more than twelve, and I can't stop thinking of her.
The fear and hopelessness on her face it is haunting me.
I have her details and I want to make sure she is ok, but not sure it is the right thing.

Feeling sad

2007-02-18T19:48:01Z

I have no books or poems to use as an example this time. I feel so sad and sick in the pit of my stomach. Also very very alone. You think you know people but actually you don't and you want to shout at them and say "you have made me cry...again" but you don't at the risk of upsetting them. Really am hating Wolverhampton at the moment!

Brambly Hedge

2007-02-08T23:48:35Z

I was given those books as a christmas present I must have been seven or eight, as I still lived in Watford. I remember christmas day so clearly. It had snowed when we woke up. We lived just by Cassiobury park. My little sister had an electric motorbike, I had the books. Spring, Summer, Autumn and Winter.
I loved those books, but my favourite was winter. The mice were in the store stump and planning the ball they were to have because it had snowed.
I always wanted to be in the store stump because it was warm and had food. The ball later on was a bonus, just wanted to wear a pretty dress.
Thought of it today because it snowed, and wished I knew the way to the store stump!

Rambling........

2007-02-08T00:56:29Z

Some of you know I went away this weekend. I had a great time and I got a tattoo. It is now wednesday (actually early thursday morning) anyway my husband is not aware yet that I have it. Just thinking that the status of our relationship can not be so good. It has been over a year now since we last went out together both of us favouring our friends over each other.
Before we dated we were best friends, we should not have crossed that line. Saying that we have two great children.
Will think on this more.....................

Pythagoras's theorem

2007-01-31T01:42:11Z

a theorem which states that, in a right-angled triangle, the square of the length of the hypotenuse is equal to the sum of the squares of the other two sides.

So why do people still add two and two together to make five?

Found at last, the perpetrator of my nemesis!

2007-01-30T01:20:36Z

It's me. Need I say more?
Time to move on.

Music.......the stirring of emotions

2007-01-28T01:19:26Z

All music I choose to listen to holds a memory for me. Some sad some happy. The thing is it can leave me incredibley sad, if the memory is happy it makes me realise I can not experience that moment again. If it is a sad memory it makes me dwell on that particular event.
How easy I wish it could be to consign certain memories to a locked room where they can be forgotten. Then I thought if we had the ability to do that would we be the person we are today? We must learn by our experiences, be them good or bad. If we did not how would we progress?
Life hurts so bad at times but maybe I will stick to the music that gives me happy memories and instead of thinking that I can't have that again, just resolve to make even better memories.
Love you Sal x

Act V Scene iii Much ado about nothing.

2007-01-25T18:20:35Z

Done to death by slanderous tongues
Was the Hero that here lies:
Death, in guerdon of her wrongs,
Gives her fame which never dies.
So the life that died with shame
Lives in death with glorious fame.
Hang thou there upon the tomb,
Praising her when I am dumb.
Now, music, sound, and sing your solemn hymn.

One of my most favourite plays. Still to this day that passage is so relevant in our daily lives. Peoples very exsistence ruined by that first line alone. Maybe not causing actual death, but killing something within that very person.
I suppose I am saying to think before you speak, for all words have consequences. If you must say something make sure you can take responsibility before you do.

Dying alone

2007-01-25T00:24:49Z

The ground stony cold and hard
But nothing like my bleeding heart
I knew the devil had marked my card
From my loved ones he told me to part
He said that I was not needed
Never a part of life’s eventual plan
It was a mistake that I was here
But to change it he knows I can
There is only one possible option
He is whispering it in my ear
To take a knife and finish it
Forget those that you hold dear
Please plant a Rose where I die
But one without the thorns
So no more blood will be shed there
No reminders of Satan’s horns
He told me that I had to do it
It will be blamed on voices in my head
Just remember me once a year
The day on that I was found dead.

How many true friends do you think you have?

2007-01-24T23:36:23Z

I am lucky, well very lucky in fact I have many friends. I have just spent the evening with two of them. They live in my street, and we decided after drinking some wine to email a letter to our local newspaper on environmental issues. Throughout the whole compisition of the letter my thoughts and ideas were derided.
I can understand other peoples point of view but when we are aiming to reach the same result there is no need to ride rough shod over what I am saying.
I do not feel angry just a little disappointed (sounds like something your parents say!)
So my question is as in the title:
How many true friends do you think you have?